Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
