Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So vagazzling was a success
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
