I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
