Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
