he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
