She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
