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Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
