Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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