There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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