at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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