I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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