I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
