Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
