I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He shit in the fireplace
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
