"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
