Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He has the fingertips of a God
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