No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
