she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
