I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
