Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
