if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
