R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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