I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
