so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
