And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
