I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
