I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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