Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize