idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
