My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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