1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
