Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
should my penis look like a turkey
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
