yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
