im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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