Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize