idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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