Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
