I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
