Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
