my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
