I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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