So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
