I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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