HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
