So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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