ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
