All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
