pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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