I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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