I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A bitchslap is in order.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
