Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
