Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
