Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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