hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize