dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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