and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
