I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
