Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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