New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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