in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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