Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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