perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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