She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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