If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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