im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
