Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
