did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
