Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
