I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
