i just sent this text using only my big toe
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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