you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
