So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
