I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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