She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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