So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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