im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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