Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
