I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
